Just when you think you are getting better-

ANEMIA!

When you’ve had multiple bacterial strains dipping into your iron stores and you keep on bleeding out every month, it becomes difficult to keep iron-ated.. ferrated… ferreted… ferrets? 

Yeah, I’ve been taking supplements, but, well, taking them unsupervised by a medical professional- and not really knowing if the root cause of the iron deficiency is bacterial or something else. I suspect things, but I don’t know the things. 

It kills me to have to have blood taken to prove iron deficiency. I get the test results back and I’m like, ‘Look at these numbers! I needed that blood! Now I have less! Thanks so much.’

What also kills me is that I think I have been sabotaging myself by taking a fiber supplement. Fiber can interfere with iron absorption. I didn’t know that before. I’ve needed to take fiber because of IBS. One problem’s solution is setting off another problem. 

With my headaches and terrifying body sensations or lack of sensation, my brain gets in anxiety/frustration loops so then I keep having panic attacks. First thing in the morning. Before I am even out of bed. It’s so much fun! 

This morning I would have woken up without a skitter of the heart except some asshat set off a fire work outside. Happy friggin holidays.

But I’m sorting it out. Timing doses better. Feeling some few improvements… again. 

While this has been dragging me down for a few weeks, I’ve set myself the task of reusing sketchbooks and journals that are terrible and making them less-worser with collage interventions. 

Now, I am generally feeling like crap and the lighting in my space in atrocious so I have no delusions that I am breaking ground with this work. 

But whatever. 

Feck it.

So I am reduced to arts and crafts time at the kiddie table. So what?

It’s stupid outside for Easter/ spring break anyway. 

I look at the local news and I see flipped cars on the roads and houses on fire. 

I’ll stay at the kiddie table.