Thanks even in the middle of no thanks.

These recent cancer episodes in my life have left me mangled, near to breaking point. And I have been trying to put on a brave front and not let on- Let on that I had to see a doctor this month because my entire digestive tract basically stopped.

Irritable Bowl Syndrome they call it. IBS they call it for short. Huh. 

Three stinking, little letters triggered weeks worth of weight loss, poor absorption of nutrients and consequent panic attacks of ridiculous proportion. 

I am improving finally.

It was interesting to sit there in the doctor’s office and hear him use the label of ‘Type A personality.’ If only he knew what has driven me to the anxiousness that I am certain he could see in my bearing- all over my face.

It is also interesting to note that science really does have a pill for everything. It has even concocted one for rhythm. If you haven’t got any rhythm you can take a pill that will resort it-

For your intestines at least. (It doesn’t do much for my foot coordination.) 

So I’m taking this pill regimen now- taking my chances on a lab-made drug until I am well enough to manage without. So far, I am glad there is such a pill. (Yay science!)

Even with such an amazing outpouring of support from people all over the world (THANK YOU!), I managed to go to pieces anyway.  

This ordeal was a completely unforeseen side effect of the stresses that plague me. I never considered that enemy from within.

And I guess that has to be ok- that that’s what needed to happen for me. 

At times I feel this is some sort of slow-motion disaster movie scenario I’m stuck in. But there is so much hope. I know that in my deep-self.

Maybe I am not all that strong, or clever, or fortunate, when it comes to “Life,” but I am tenacious in my way. 

Thank you to those who have helped to remind me to use that ability to clutch at this hope buoy thing through these weird, rough seas times.