Spending a couple of weeks in historic Lexington VA was supposed to be like an art residency. I went with the idea that I would help paint a mural in a university gallery, and perhaps focus on making some art of my own. None of this happened. 

In a tiny town where there is nothing much to do, my person chose to prioritize healing.

My body had been quietly collapsing into itself the whole during my sickness so while I had this time, I wrestled with my joints and bones; fought the muscles, tendons, and that blasted thing called fascia. My back hurt often, but I know I am even stronger for the effort. I do stand up straighter. (My kyphosis laughs as I type that.)

I could not focus enough to really create anything. My mind was also busy doing its own messy, inexplicable healing just for being in the rural east again- almost like being home.

Some crying happened.  

I saw a lot of deer and met some lovely human people.

I reunited with my brother Mike. I hadn’t seen him in person in many, many years. We wondered at issues surrounding our family dynamic. More crying happened.

I returned to the studio in Mexico with even more to unpack. 

AND THEN!:

Because it was the nonsensically correct thing to do in the year of the snake, I made a pilgrimage into the mountains- to the “center of the world” (Mexico City)- to meet a most famous snake. At a pinche comic-con. 

I presented myself to the younger Mikkelsen brother- the esteemed actor/model/(dancer!) one- the one with the licentious estrogen brigade trailing him around- the Mads Mikkelsen. 

In the sliver of time I had to breathe air with him, I enjoyed his presence- whatever he was projecting- it was very likable, pleasant, soft; almost like a delightful puppy- a tired one. He felt like a quite gentle-person in person. The light he could shine was bright and good. 

In wild contrast, beside Mads I was a naked billhook. A stupid, dangerous thing that’s been beaten to a cutting edge. I felt like a violence that should not be casually close to a precious human. But there I was with my arm around a normal, gentle person… trying to remember how to be civilized.

I was suffering altitude sickness and massive anxiety- plus depression! (WooHoo!) These large, mad-high—energy events where you mill around like livestock under flashing lights, blasted with music/noise make me into a monster. A real one. I had to remind myself frequently that no one was intentionally causing me insult.

I just should not be in places where I feel the need to protect myself from an onslaught of stimuli. But I had to make the effort- make myself face epic injustices to my person. Because I am an entire idiot. I might be stronger than I have been, but I am still a moron.

Of course I fumbled when trying to speak to Mads during autograph time- of course I did. I think he fumbled too because his response was strange to me. He asked a question that just threw me off so bad that I could not make more words to explain my joshing attempt. And who the hell wants to explain a joke?! That makes everything worse! 

One day I will be slick and adaptable in real time social situations where the power dynamics are skewed against me… Heh, yeah, magari.

Such foolish journeys I have gone on! 

A mere sickly street dog finds their way to obtain the boon of shining, famous brothers: a dragon-taurus in the year of the dragon and then a snake-scorpio in the year of the snake… 

Oh-Oh- There is a whole heaping pile of symbolism to sort through with all of this! 

My anthropological / mythological / whatever-ological mind is going on and on. 

I have so, so much more to sort through now. 

Send help?