Happy Halloween, biz-nich-izzles!
It’s May. It’s spring!
It’s time to celebrate Lemuralia!
Is that a kind of lemur party?
Well, no, not quite.
Before the Catholic Christians messed around with the dates- as they always seemed to do- the month of May was the time when some ancient Europeans would turn their thoughts to lemures or the dead- the scary, unhappy dead. And how to make sure they weren’t a bother to the living.
Romans, in particular, held observance for lemures on May 9th, 11th, and 13th.
May 11th just happens to be my birthday and it’s an “unlucky” day according to the Romans.
Which would explain so much about me?
They warn against people getting married in May, but what of those born in the month?
Are we screwed?
For me, yes. I’ve been sufficiently, quietly screwed right over in so many ways through the years. Given the list of things that are wrong with my existence, I’m not exactly living the most ” #blessed_life. “
(If you want to see it, I have the list. It’s even in alphabetical order for you persnickety snarks out there.)
Back to those lemures:
In one way or another, the Romans figured out that to appease these unhappy dead you would have to walk around your home barefoot at midnight on these three particular days in May and throw dry black beans (or fava beans) over your shoulder (or spit them from your mouth) while reciting,
Haec ego mitto; his redimo meque meosque fabis.
And then clang your (copper) pots and shout
“Ghosts of my fathers and ancestors, be gone!” a lot.
I might be cursed, I might might identify as basically dead, but I’m not as dead as beans.
I don’t want legumes for my birthday or a loud and pointless amount of noise aimed in my direction. What would I do with any of that?
Then what do I want?
- Straight up- send money.
Grease the gears so this preta can reclaim some joie de vivre. What’s more life affirming than being gifted the stuff that helps you move fluidly through a capitalist system?
- And then you should to go treat yourself- treat yourself to a gooey chocolate fudge brownie and wash it down with a hot cafe mocha in my honor because I can’t eat chocolate or drink coffee quite like I used to. SIGH.
- And/or bake a nice batch of ossa dei morti. They seem really tasty!
- And then, just, like, be a better person than who you were the day before.
- Being a better person is the best way to appease, or honor, or stick it to your ancestors and all who came before you.
- Also, send money. It’s my birthday!