I Wore My Own Scars For Halloween

Who got theyself out to Nuebo Yorq last month? MEEEeee?!

It was unusually rough in the time leading up to this trip to New York though. There was certainly some energy agains us at the beginning. I felt absolutely miserable about going. For no identifiable reason. Hugo was overly anxious about his show, and just before our departure, sure enough, our bad feelings about everything manifested. But once we were on the ground and jumping into the work that thing- that force wanned into the background, it’s teeth blunted.

Hopefully, it got what it all that it wanted… A small sacrifice to the What-Evers for something much better?

There are already signs of better things to come. Hugo was offered another shot at showing in Miami. That means in a few short weeks we will be back on the east coast looking out indifferently at more palm trees. Oh, and installing a mural framed video projection. There might also be some, you know, huge art fairs happening too.

Staying the month in New York wasn’t all just to hang out like a tourist. I made it a point reconnected with my visual arts community. Got quite a few modeling gigs lined up for myself. It was an interesting thing to do. Certainly a test for myself. I was uncertain how I would react to the reactions of others about my scars. Turns out, it was an affirming experience all around.

Here are some jotted notes from one of my more adventurous days which had me traveling from one end of Brooklyn to the other and then across Manhattan and further, across state lines to New Jersey.

 

Oh be calm my over-excited heart. Last minute changes in the plan have me more scrambling than I would like. Another stop was added to my journey out to East New York, Brooklyn. I will have my hair and makeup done! This helps me feel the positive aspects of anxiousness. 

How-the-hell-ever- I got shite for sleep. The internet went down so I can’t quadruple check where I am going. I have to back pack everything along with me because I don’t know how what sort of delays to expects and I have another job in the evening. In New Jersey… 

I gasp at the day light. The L train has done above ground. I haven’t been out this way in so very long. Out beyond Aberdeen. Probably one of the very few people in the area right now who’s actually been to the original Aberdeen. Or the first York for that matter. 

I am the only one in the subway car for a few stops. The heavy human flows goes the other way at this time of day. I wish I had brought my music. That would have helped me stay calm. Calm-ish. Next stop is mine. Deep breath…

Anxiety be hanged. Today was a wonderful day. OK, my false eyelashes didn’t survive the entire time, and I had no way of touching up all the foundation on my face, but what ever. I rocked false eyelashes. For the first time in ever. I am grateful that people have been so kind to me – seemingly ever the newbie, me. I didn’t know what to expect when showing off these scars to people I don’t know so well.

There is a small satisfaction to be had in being able to cross state lines of one’s own accord by navigating the various forms of available public transportation. I remembered most of the way. I did not get lost. And, maybe most impressive of all, I was on time.

Men on the night train. A PATH taking them to Manhattan metro station connections.

A cookie made of so much plant protein limps through my system. I am so weary and I feel… good.

Christopher Street- Where all those guys go? Is it?

I am the Aquafina water bottle left on the seat next to me; rolling and sloshing; less than half full.

Sleep please do your thing when I land in the bed that is my bed for tonight.

 

When I made all my bookings, I didn’t think I was over doing it… but I did. Completely. There wasn’t enough time to work, to have breathing room for myself and to pay “a ton” of people social visits.
I do apologize for that.
I was just thrilled to be able to get all the work. I did take time to visit with family see some art exhibits and was taken on a mad dash at the last minute to see a banging punk rock band- The Bobby Lees. I can’t even tell you when I’d last seen a good live punk band at this point. So I kinda fell in love with these guys.

Not seeing everyone and not getting around as much as I wanted doesn’t upset me terribly. It does make my brain think toward another visit. One sooner than three years from now, eh?

Guys, help me make it happen!

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