That dam(n) pun never gets old.

Everything that matters most is everything you cannot see.

The Witch King of Angmar- and you know it.
I coughed up that pithiness just now while trying to think of more than a mere little facebook status update thanking everyone for their birthday wishes. It kinda sums up my whole existence…
And by the way, thank you all very, very much for taking a few seconds to send me a note! 
Those few clicks of the keys brought a smile to my face. Your kind remembrances where only other gift I was given this year apart from simple experiences: dining out, movie, circus and museum going…
I did not receive any material gifts- excluding food and drink, of course. I think this is the first time I have not been cluttered with objects useful or otherwise… No cards, no left over cake, no thing to mark the day as special to me. Unless you count several transaction receipts and the doodle I made on my wall calendar. It feels odd to buck long standing traditions, but I am glad to have not been given more things to be responsible for. I feel I have more than enough to deal with as it is- and that I am a lousy steward at that! I should not have my things still piled up at my parents apartment, for instance. I ought to find the time to sort that out and not have them burdened with my material goods. That is not fair, but poverty keeps the odds rigged against amending the situation. Heh. Poverty also keeps me moving around and keeps my parents stationary. 
I don’t want to talk about Poverty; that gigantokickyourassadon in the room, but I guess the conversation is going in that direction.
Poverty does a thing that is far crueler than leaving you without a new pair of shoes or with an empty stomach. It flatout robs you of creativity, pinches out the sparks of imagination. It invites Depression. For the longest time I have been confronted with the constant unseen excuse blockades of minds that don’t even know they have been duped into a slothful state, instead joining with quick wakeful minds searching for and creating ways to make things happen. Poverty of the wallet is one thing, but poverty of imagination.. that is the real breaker. And that close friend Depression It brings along? That, that is a ruthless killer. I know. I have hosted them both.
Like I said, I didn’t want to talk on those lines…
So, after my mind almost wondered completely off the course, I do have some return words, my charge, for all you who wished me birthday happiness: Reader, even if you never get the creativity into a creation, be aware and keep the stream flowing. Please. Because when you don’t, it makes is so much harder for those who do- or those who are trying. Don’t be a dammed soul.

Birthday

After an amazing meal at a local steak house (I did manage to find something on the menu to suit me)  with my extended Mexican family, I spent the evening with my other big brothers Kirk and Spock and Bones and Khan… and wondered when Anakin was going to show up….

Also – The circus came into town Friday night. They set up a bigtop tent a few lots over. I can see the flags waving from the kitchen door. Maybe that is where you will find metomorrow! -Sitting in the sawdust, contemplating running away with a travelling circus! I would become a tatttooed Bull Dancer then… and every month would be May. 

This Sunshine. And More Anxiety.

So I walk away. When the birds chirping outside of the window put me on edge- I know I have to do something… else. I put all of my work aside (that was making me cry too). I go for a long, long walk from one end of Rosarito Beach to the other and all the way back to my hovel by way of the main road. Maybe 6 miles all together. 
Did it clear my head? Yeah, I think I put my dopamine level up to a point where I can enjoy watching Seven and wonder about making a performance art piece with these bags of Cheetos that I spotted in the Smart & Final that were so big, I could have gotten in one of them! Can you imagine?! 3 kg of Cheetos.. All that orange pseudo cheese..
It would be amazing! BTW – This is my idea! If you steal this idea, you had better do a really fab performance with it!

muted palate
it’s nothing like Ireland
This sunshine

Does the light of day  really make you better?

The desire to go out and get so high off the radiation,
The processing of vitamin D
That all your emotional baggage seems to jerk to leathery bits
That you can give to the dog to chew on for fun
But does that really resolve anything?
The dog will vomit it all up in your face later
With blotches and shrivels and cancers
So what then has been the good of it?

modern coveman art

MOXSES on the rockses