This is some crazy auspicious month this year with so many overlapping holiday observances– and an eclipse– With a sprinkling of social unrest in Mexico. I’m writing from Mexico. When they kind of do hits on cartel bosses it does kind of does ripple out to people who aren’t directly involved.
(Fun fact! I used to bank with Wachovia. Look them up. They were accused of money laundering for Mexican drug cartels. So… I have been involved.)
Taking it back down from a global scale, the month is dedicated self-love. And nothing says sexy good times more than dental work! We must keep a Cronenberg / Clive Barker perspective on sensuality, no?
Ok, if that is too much for you, then just think of it as self-care and maintenance.
I continue my healing journey with a discomfiting jaunt to the dentists chair to have cavities addressed, crowns replaced, and best / worst of all three posts inserted into my jaw. At a future date I will have three tooth shaped sculptures set in my mouth to fill the gaps that I have had for years.
I long for the day when this dental barbarism will be a thing of the past. I am aware there are labs working on a way to make life forms regrow their own teeth. Keep going, science people!
After walking away from Art Basel with access to a few coins, there are funds for this work. And I dare not put it off because the money could be used for something else. The money can always be used for something else.
I am trying out a muscle relaxant + anti-inflammatory controlled substance that was prescribed.. because it should give my back/ neck/ hips/ shoulders a break as well as help with the pain in my jaw. A double win? We will see.
You are advised to take pain medication as soon as the numbness starts to wear off, I didn’t do that. I wanted to feel the extent of the pain, the quality of it as it tumes and contracts. I’ve never had any of my bones drilled into before. I was curious.
Considering the trials I have already dealt with in my life, it didn’t surprise.
I’ve gone three weeks with an open 4cm hole in my chest without taking anything for that medical trauma. Then there were all those whole body inflammation responses to bacterial infections that were brutal and frightening in their randomness. Simple fevers having it out in my body give me as much ache in my legs. By now, I’m quite familiar with odd extreme pains and the dragging fatigue that comes with it.
Yeah, the pain is momentarily disruptive, but it’s not a problem. It’s not like I have an actual life for it to be a great interference. Such an odd advantage I have suddenly, no? I have the time to explore the nuances of physical suffering– For all the good that sort of luxury does a person.
I don’t ignore the momentary irritation and I don’t let myself mourn and worry about what all the pain means. I lathe my mind in sweet, sweet placebo. There is an end goal somewhere over there. I can vaguely envision about four months into the future when I will be able to chew food with both sides of my mouth again. Ah, divine thought!
I remind myself that although I am open to infections, I can hold them back, I am equipped to deal. I did wrestle with myself about taking the prescribed antibiotics. I knew the dentist wasn’t going to understand my reluctance, so I didn’t bring it up. Even if the person spoke English natively I don’t think they would fathom my reluctance to take more antibiotics. (See: previous post)
Self-love is weird. Sometimes it means having holes put into your bone and stitches in your gums, making yourself look like some kind of Don Godfather over here with a swollen lower jaw. Sometimes is means stripping the microbiome from your body like a droid getting it’s circuits wiped– again. It means giving up on the stim of crunchy food…
What does your weird self-care look like?